My boyfriend mentioned he wants to run the marathon as well. With me.
At first I was very hesitant. After lots of time thinking, and at the same time lots of time letting go of my thoughts, I realized I don’t really care if he runs it with me or not because I will do it with or without him.
So, this made me really want to share my thought process in hopes that it can help anyone else out there struggling with a decision to let someone into their secret world.
I am a very independent woman here, as are many of the fellow ladies in my life. We like to chill, do our own thing, and not worry about boys or problems. And running gives me healthy space.
I was afraid that by sharing it with him, it would no longer be ‘mine’, but turn into ‘our’ journey.
It all sounds pretty selfish of me. Thinking this is all about me, as if he has no say in the matter. But this is my blog so if you want his side to the story you can find him walking around Palomar College.
Running has become an essential part of my life. It is my therapy, my meditation. It is where I can go, to not escape my problems, but to let them go and allow life to figure itself out. I become more humble and more compassionate. It is where I learn about who I am and how I want to live my life. Is it possible to do all that with my partner at my side in the one place I keep just for myself?
I guess I am a strange individual who feels the need to prove her independence to her boyfriend. When the two of us started rock climbing together I wanted him think I was a badass rock climber all on my own, without his hints and tips. But, I was barely making it up beginner routes. Granted I had not climbed in months, but I wanted to be a little better than him at just ONE thing. That was just not the case. After getting frustrated several times for literally falling on my butt in front of him, I decided to enjoy it. I was not living in the present. I was living in fear. Listening to his beta was actually helpful when I learned to actually listen and our communication has strengthened ever since.
So, when deciding whether or not I wanted to run the marathon with him, I realized it will be what I make it. And thoughts manifest into reality. If I keep thinking it will suck, then most likely it will be the worst experience of my life. But, if I can let my ego go, just as I did and still do when we climb together, then I can enjoy his company rather than resent it for no real reason.
Running does not have to a lonely sport. It is definitely a sport that can only be started and finished all with your capacity to how much you want it. There is no relying on anyone else to pick up your slack or to make you go on. The quietude of the mental state I reach, and most likely a lot of people, is so peaceful.
Having another person by my side isn’t going to make me get my butt up a hill, but it make it a lot less lonely knowing someone else is facing a similar battle within themselves. I would love to see Nic experience what I feel when I run. It is one of the best highs. And if I said no when he asked to run the marathon with me I would be denying him the elation and bliss that comes with accomplishing putting your body and mind through hell. And coming out a survivor.
I can not promise anyone out there that the presence of your friend or significant other will make running any better, but I don’t believe it can harm it. To be a runner, you must have a stronger mind than allowing outside elements to effect your peace.